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What a trying day and it’s only half over.

I had therapy earlier today and I was going over the results of my psychological testing with her.  (I talked briefly about that testing here).  I started to feel something rising in me.  I didn’t know if it was anxiety or mania.  Unfortunately, I still can’t always tell the difference until I’m full blown one way or the other.  Turns out it was anxiety and now I’m running all over the place emotionally.  I’m at that point where if someone says the wrong thing to me I’m liable to verbally take their head off.  I know you know the feeling.

I know that it started by once again getting myself worked up over the results of those damnable tests.  I’m terrified that I allowed this psychologist to mentally take me apart and I still won’t get the disability benefits that I need.  Plus, I’m obsessing over the results themselves.

Now, I’m home and I’m becoming more and more aggravated.  It feels like every moment that goes by, another trigger hits me in the face and pulls me a little further down into the pit of anxiety.

But my coping skills….well, that’s a bit of a mess.  Since I had my foot surgery, I’ve been on crutches.  So no walking.  Since I can’t walk out to my garden, it’s dying.  Can’t go for a swim and I really don’t feel like coloring.  And I already read the books I had set aside for my surgery recovery.  No cooking, no baking.

Wednesday I should be getting my stitches out and hopefully I’ll be able to lose the crutches.

Today will probably be a day of TV and blog reading.  And ativan.

If I’m lucky I won’t eat the half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer.

Peace

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