I just read this post by lilypup.
I started to comment and then I realized that I was going to need to write a book to say what I wanted to say and that I probably shouldn’t make a post on her post and maybe I should just do one big answer here.
And please ignore the run on sentences and grammar problems cause I’m just kind of running a little nutty right now.
Anyway, Lily wrote about whether or not she feels normal anymore and lists ways that she no longer feels she is normal.
I UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING ALL TOO WELL. I THINK WE ALL DO.
I have this conversation with myself all the time. I also can’t work, can’t volunteer, can’t string together more then 1 or 2 activities at a time (hell, for a day). I am lucky that I grew up with a pharmacist as a father, because I learned at an early age how important it is to always take your meds as prescribed. Since that is so ingrained in me, I do not ever fluctuate, as long as I hear the reminder alarm that is. I have the TV on for background noise, as I always do, and the kids on the show that is on are arguing and I’m on the verge of yelling at them to shut up. Normal people probably don’t do that.
But, we have a unique perspective on life that the normal people don’t have.
We want it more.
We question ourselves at every turn to make sure that it’s not just laziness that holds us back.
We strive every day to try to do as much as we can.
I think that if we were normal, we wouldn’t bother pushing our boundaries as hard. That trip to the craft store would not be viewed as a success, just another errand that had to be run. But to us…well that trip was a fear faced down.
We fight suicidal urges because we WANT to live. We don’t just live. We fight for it.
Yes, we can be afraid, anxious, confusing, confused, sad, angry, hostile, tired, teary, worried, depressed and a whole bunch of other stuff. Sometimes all at once. And that’s just when we aren’t manic.
But damn, we work hard for that normal feeling. We want it so bad.
I’m not sure that the normal people can say that.