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Well, I’m up.  The cats had to be fed and they didn’t want me to forget so they made sure I was up.

My schedule has been pretty screwed up for awhile now.  I used to go to sleep around 8 and get up at 4.  My husband works second shift, so he’s not here at night, and I’m usually ready to be alone after the cats eat at 7.  (My mother-in-law lives with us).  Getting up at 4 was great as I was able to get a lot accomplished before everyone got up.

Now, I’m having a terrible time getting to sleep.  I’m prescribed a 30mg Restoril and 2mg of Ativan and bedtime and I’ve recently been staying awake through that.  I generally end up taking another 1mg of ativan around 11 and that usually does the trick.  So now I wake up when the cats get me up at 7.  Which is still 8 hours, which I know is a lot better then a lot of other people get.  I just feel like it’s way to much medication to get me sleeping.

Anyway, I’m up and I’m praying that this mixed episode I’ve been living with since Friday is over.  I’m afraid that my fear that it’s still here will actually keep me in it, but I haven’t figured out how to not be afraid.  It’s a terrifying place to be.

I have an appointment with the podiatrist this morning.  I’m hoping that he will let me take the boot cast off, at least for a bit each day.  I would like to go swimming, I would like to go check out my garden.  I haven’t been out to my garden since the surgery because I’m afraid to get the boot wet.  I figure it’ll start to stink if I do that.

This blog has become something of a lifeline for me.  I’m able to get out the things that I need to say and whether or not I get feedback (which is wonderful) isn’t really the goal.  The goal is to empty my head.  And it seems to be helping.

That and coloring!

Peace

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