You know the one….

me: “I’m having a mixed episode”

Other: gulp

Me: ” it’s when the mania and the depression exist at nearly the same time and pass back and forth multiple times a day”

Other: questioning eyebrow raise.

Me: “I go from up and able to function to crying my eyes out several times a day”

Other: “oh” Long Blank Stare  “Did you see how many of these cookies J ate?”

Oh? OH????  and a change of subject?

This is someone who loves me.  Who cares about me.

“Oh”

I’m really off in a bad mood today.  I’m sick, but I think that is mostly my body rebelling against my willingness to take it easy when my body was screaming at me to chill out.  Now, I’m in forced quarantine because I have this weird cough and I can hardly stay awake.

And today, my subject of choice is the Long blank stare.

Fuck the stare…and fuck you for bestowing it upon me.  I don’t want to be like this.  My goals growing up were never “get a really shitty mental illness that no one understands. Get it real good and solid now, so there is no question whether or not you have it.   Now, go explain yourself.”

My short/long term goal is to get my disability moving.  My goal after that is to try to get my shit together enough to educate.

No one deserves the long blank stare

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