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I’m so tired.  I’m becoming virtually useless.

Unless of course, I’m in bed.  Because then I couldn’t be more awake.

I slept in fits and starts last night.  At one point I woke up talking about a hammer (?). I had to pee every 15 minutes.  And I swear to God that there are 4 million jillion fleas in the house even though I haven’t seen a single one because I keep feeling like something is crawling on me.

So, I looked up the side effects of Zyprexa, the new wonder drug that won’t do shit for you drug on the list of must takes from the pdoc.

I copied this list from here where it also details the severity of the side effects.  But, thank you very much, I’ll decide how severe it is.

Common side effects of Zyprexa:

  • A Feeling of Restlessness with Inability to Sit Still – not yet
  • Disorder involving Personality Changes – yes, of course, that’s why I’m supposed to be taking this med
  • Parkinson Symptoms –excellent
  • Backache – constantly…thanks for asking
  • Blood Pressure Drop Upon Standing –great googly moogly, I already fall down enough don’t make me dizzy too
  • Dizzy oh wait, what?
  • Drowsiness – that would be great thanks
  • Dry Mouth – already covered with the other 5 meds I take, but sure what’s a little more Biotene between friends?
  • Feeling Weak – waiting for it
  • Head Pain like a headache? or is it like a bumped head kind of head pain? WTF?
  • Incomplete or Infrequent Bowel Movements – I’m hoping for incomplete!
  • Increased Hunger –  great that’ll go well with the fat I already have
  • Increased Levels of Prolactin in the Blood –  will I start giving milk?
  • Inflammation of the Nose – thanks, it’s big enough
  • Involuntary Quivering – like I’m cold? 
  • Lazy Eye – always wanted one of those.  My eyes are entirely too active
  • Weight Gain –  pretty sure I already addressed this, but fab.  

I know I’m being a shit, but seriously, this is just the most common problems I may or may not (may…because…it’s always may) encounter.

I’m looking forward to seeing if I get:

  • Giant Hives – not hives…GIANT hives
  • Problems with Food Passing Through the Esophagus – should help with that pesky weight gain
  • Discharge of Milk in Men or Women when Not Breastfeeding – for the guys though…what a trick
  • Increased Production of Saliva – Is this along with the dry mouth?
  • I begin to have trouble getting an erection – that’ll be a winner with the milk giving boobs!

And on and on and on.

Just to be clear…I’m not supposed to drink, I’m not supposed to smoke, I’m not supposed to smoke pot (which I would in a hot second if I had any….blissful relief of chronic pain, anxiety and RLS with the side effect of SLEEP)…but we’re all ok with the drugs that cause the above list of bullshit.  And that’s not the complete list..that’s just the ones I felt like picking on.

So, I’m getting super tired sitting here in the living room, so maybe I’ll go in the bedroom and lay down so I can perk up a bit.

Hopefully, I don’t turn into a wet nurse while I’m in there getting no sleep.

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