So, big day! I put on makeup. And clothes!
Yesterday I put some purple streaks in my hair (hard to see since I’m a dark brunette, except for where all the gray is!)
The day before I got my hair cut for the first time in over a year.
Is this self-care? It feels vaguely familiar. Of course, I’m back in my jammies again but it’s storming outside and hey, my makeup is done so fuck it.
I even went so far as to take a selfie.
I’m not in love with the picture, but now you can say you know what I look like!
Oh! And I did my nails!
Thing is…I still feel like shit. I’m having moments that aren’t as shitty and I know that a lot of that has to do with hubby working so many extra hours. I’m trying really hard to be “good” for his sake. He’s working 12 hour days and weekends right now and he needs me to have my shit at least moderately together. He would never say it though.
I had therapy this morning and I’m rehashing the “if this is as good as it’s ever gonna get then what the hell is the fucking point?” argument. Not that I would do anything to myself, I’m not feeling that hopeless, but it’s a valid argument. I also talked to her about the mental health stigma. That’s a “how are we going to fight for ourselves, if we can’t even manage a fucking shower?” argument. I have a lot of arguments. And I have few to no answers.
Well I think I’m going to go color