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8:00pm Take meds.   This is an all meds on deck situation and the handful is daunting to look at.  But, I toss it in my mouth, take a swig of water and swallow the lot.  Time to get comfy and get ready for sleep.

9:00 pm Time for Bob’s Burgers on Adult Swim.  I’m still wide awake.  I have slept with the TV on since my early 20’s.  It soothes me and keeps my mind from running.  I watch/listen with the volume low during the show and then close my eyes during commercials.  My version of meditation

9:30pm Take 2 Ativan (as instructed by pdoc) because obviously Restoril needs help as I am still wide awake.

Fall asleep somewhere around 10:00 pm

1:30 Wide awake…hubby not home from work yet.  Hmmm

Fall back to sleep somewhere around 2:00 am

4:00 am Wide awake.  Start thinking about how good coffee tastes.  Hmm I’m really awake now.  I wonder if my sorority sister got the card I sent her.  How am I supposed to get anything out of therapy if I can’t ever get a good night’s sleep?  I wonder what med pdoc will put me on next.  I wonder how pdoc will react to the 3rd med failure in a row.  I wonder if my ankles will swell today.  Podiatrist appointment tomorrow. Will he do the 2nd plantar fasciitis surgery this week or next?  Toss turn toss turn. Hey, I have a new pimple on my face.  Acne at 45 almost 46. Awesome.  Wonder which med is causing that.   Wonder what time hubby got home.  I’m gonna wake him up tossing and turning like this.

4:05 am I get up.

4:30 am  I sit down with my coffee and open the computer.  The dog is still asleep

This was actually a decent night’s sleep.  5 1/2 hours of sleep with one waking incident.

I take my meds earlier because recently I have been getting up between 4 and 5 am no matter what time I go to sleep.  So, I’m trying to increase my chances of at least a few extra hours.

It’s not really working.

I don’t nap.  I’m afraid if I nap, I’ll mess up my sleep at night.  HAH!  What a freaking joke.

Pdoc is going to have to figure out this insomnia..like..today.  I’m beat.  Racing thoughts screw me up every damn time.  I need something to shut my brain off.  Even if I get 5 1/2 hours of sleep straight through, that would be better.

I’m not asking for miracles here.  Just a little sleep.