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I had nearly forgotten.
I woke once. But, I got 7 1/4 hours (yes, I’m counting 1/4 hours, it matters) which I haven’t seen in I don’t even know how long.
Pdoc put Seroquel on board yesterday. This is my second go-round with it, but it worked last time. I quit it for 2 reasons. When the new year started and I had to meet a deductible again, it was difficult to afford. It made me gain weight. Fast. A lot.
But, it worked. Mostly.
Mostly is better than what I’ve been having lately, and I’ll take it. I’m begging for remission. I’d pay good money for remission. But, right now, I’ll take “mostly”, or even “some”.
I mostly just want the bliss of sleep.
Sleep matters. It relaxes us. It helps wipe the slate of the racing thoughts. The hurt of pain of those who haven’t understood or have been downright rude, disrespectful or mean.
But, most of all, it relieves a trigger. If I can sleep at night, than I don’t worry about whether or not I’ll be able to sleep at night. I don’t lay awake in anguish wondering why oh why am I awake even though I am exhausted. I know that the peace of sleep will be mine, if I can just push through this damnable day.
Seroquel sleep, for me, is definitely a druggy sleep. If hubby banged pots and pans right next to me, I probably wouldn’t wake. It’s not the sleep I prefer. But it’s the sleep that I get.
Right now, I’ll take what I can get.
Sheri said:
I used to take Seroquel and understand the bliss of sleep vs the dreaded weight gain. I ended up stopping it for financial reasons, now I just take one or two Klonopin to at least try to quell the racing thoughts at night. Sleep is still elusive, but I can now deal with insomnia a little better.
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Leslie said:
I need to the mood stabilization part, too though. Double edged sword.
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dianetharp70 said:
So glad you got that much needed sleep! I wish you continued ‘Zzzz’s’!! Seroquel worked sleep wise for me, but the other (increased paranoia & increases suicidal ideology/contempation forced me to stop. Also my past anorexia current calorie restriction, terror of weight gain was overwhelming.
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stuffthatneedssaying said:
I became more suicidal on Seroquel too. It sure did help with sleep though. I couldn’t sleep worth a crap after I stopped taking it.
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dianetharp70 said:
Yep, def helped sleep, no doubt!
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Leslie said:
ugh, yeah that’s no good. I didn’t have the suicidal ideation before, hopefully I will stay that way.
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dianetharp70 said:
I wish you good luck, I’ve always (even at 6 y/o) had strong Hx suicidal ideation. As you are very aware each person reacts differently, even at different stages in treatment,,,
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Leslie said:
ugh 6? that just proves how unjust this shit is.
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dianetharp70 said:
Yep, since I was around (not due to parents – loving), 3½-4 y/o i always felt like ‘I don’t belong here’ (life/alive) at 6 attempted to jump from the 2 story window (my Mom stopped me). I was taken to PCP, Rxd atarax & amytriptaline → worsened depression/suicidal thoughts, D/C’d. Not addressed til way later. Pediatric psychology not really a studied field in med. Attempted multiple times secretly,Tx’d for depression in 20’s unDx’d bipolar 2, hanged myself at 41.Dx’d & continuous treatment since then. Great Pdoc,,, still a struggle,,, & I’ve been fortunate to have ‘good’ Tx,ment,,,(medicaid even)
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Leslie said:
Oh shit Diane…you have really been through the mill.
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kerrilwilliams said:
Urgh I’m with you also struggling to sleep and doc giving me really more and more Seroquel…
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Leslie said:
I’m on my way up to 300 mg and I guess we’ll see what happens when I get there.
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kerrilwilliams said:
I’m on 500mg! Thats crazy!
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Leslie said:
oh wow. That’s a lot
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kerrilwilliams said:
It is, and it does nothing when I’m manic… I’ve just spoken to my doc, and she’s adamant I continue with that dosage, even when I mentioned the weight gain. Urgh, sometimes I wonder how much these doctors think about the side effects of these meds…
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Leslie said:
I don’t think that they really do. They consider that the benefit is worth the side effects, but really we’re the ones who have to decide that. If the weight gain makes us depressed then is the med really worth it?
My last 3 meds were epic failures. Latuda, Saphris and Zyprexa were just ridiculously awful for me. And I didn’t give her the option of talking me into them. I just quit them (still at low dose and early into the process of taking them). Obviously you can’t do that at the dosage you are at, but research alternatives and tell her what you want to try. Unfortunately weight gain goes with the territory of mood stabilizers.
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kerrilwilliams said:
Well I’m starting to feel like my doctor is not hearing me out, like she’s just thinking of the next drug or dosage to put me on rather than to actually listen to me. It’s so frustrating!
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Leslie said:
That is frustrating. 😦
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kerrilwilliams said:
I see her next week Monday. I think I need to be more vocal, even if I end up telling her to please hear me out first!
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Leslie said:
let me know how it works out
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kerrilwilliams said:
oh I forgot to mention Zyprexa is THE WORST for weight gain! I ballooned after I started taking it. I was busy being weaned off the oral anti-psychotics and onto an injectable one I think it’s Risperdole (I never remember the names) once monthly, but then shit hit the fan in my private life and I was put on Seroquel, hopefully I can sort my life out and start reacting positively to the injectable, as this weight gain is horrible, I don’t even want to see some of my friends because I’m so embarrassed about it. Silly, I know, I should work on that as its more of a self esteem issue…
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Leslie said:
I had to come off the Zyprexa because the water retention/swelling, rapid heartbeat and dizziness were just too much for me to bear. Frickin’ poison
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kerrilwilliams said:
Yes, major water retention. I actually started taking “water pills” but that didn’t help as I started cramping…
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Leslie said:
I had problems with water pills also as I have an autoimmune condition of the bladder…Painful.
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kerrilwilliams said:
Oh no, it sucks having physical AND mental illness. I’m in the same boat unfortunately…
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Leslie said:
Yeah it’s a big fat pile of suckage.
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Zoe said:
Hope you can catch some Zzzz’s soon!
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Leslie said:
Thanks Zoe. I hope you can, too
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Sandy Sue said:
This is good news.
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Leslie said:
Yes it is….should get better as dose increases.
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