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I’m up. I’ve been up.  It’s just a little after 5:00 am on the east coast (U.S.) and I’ve been up since 3:30am.  That’s 6 hours of sleep which was interrupted once.  I’m still tired but the brain insists that I stay up.

I wish:

  1. Racing thoughts would give me a damn break
  2. Sleep was something that didn’t require me to be drugged to hell and back
  3. There was a “rescue med” for depression
  4. There was a one size fits all med for bipolar
  5. The cat didn’t just barf
  6. I wasn’t awake
  7. I didn’t think hubby would be better off with me dead
  8. People didn’t think that if I just tried I would be ok
  9. It wasn’t so terrifying to admit to those I know irl that I need disability
  10. That I could do things without worrying that others would think I look silly/stupid
  11. That I wasn’t so easily embarrassed
  12. That I didn’t have to look up how to spell embarrassed
  13. That I didn’t forget every damn thing (like how to spell embarrassed and where I went on my honeymoon (seriously))
  14. That I didn’t have bipolar
  15. That I didn’t have generalized anxiety disorder
  16. That I didn’t have panic disorder
  17. That I didn’t have mild forms of OCD and agoraphobia
  18. That I didn’t have borderline personality disorder
  19. That my meds worked
  20. That everyone who needs care could get care that doesn’t suck
  21. That everyone who needs meds could afford them
  22. That I didn’t feel guilty about everything
  23. That this was a complete list

If wishes were horses….