I promised my therapist, Karen, that I would write this post.  She is trying like the dickens to get me to see the parts of me that are still strong even through the shit smeared glasses of bipolar and everything else that I have.

In the spirit of keeping my promise, I now present:

I’m grateful

  • For my husband who loves me, although sometimes I’ll be damned if I know why
  • For my stepchildren who are growing to be lovely people and have become the children that I cannot have.
  • For my grandson and his obsession with vacuum cleaners.  (yeah we don’t get it either)
  • For my grandmother who is still kicking at 96 and has never turned her back on me no matter what.
  • For the rest of my family, who at least tries to deal with me without pissing me off, although they don’t always succeed.
  • For my therapist, Karen, who really seems to “get it”
  • For my ability to help others solve their problems even when I can’t solve my own
  • For Dr. M. who, while I’m not sure she always “gets it” at least doesn’t add to the pile of problems and really does try to help.
  • For my ability to organize and therefore clip and use coupons in a way that actually saves us money.  It makes me feel like I contribute.
  • For my lawyer who has taken my disability tangle and is busily untangling it for me.
  • For my ability to bake.
  • For my ability to get my husband fed and out the door in clean clothes and with a packed lunch.
  • For access to care that many do not have.

I know that Karen’s idea was more to find things within myself that I am grateful for and not necessarily things outside of myself.  And I did find a couple.  I have trouble breaking big tasks down into little components and finding the strengths in the little parts instead of the larger whole.  For instance, I can’t work, but I’m generally punctual.  (so there’s one for the grateful list!)

I’m working on it.

Dr. M (pdoc) is going to have to up the Klonopin though