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I’ve been up for a couple hours already.  It’s 6:15 Eastern Standard Time

Seroquel is knocking me on my ass.  Last night I slept, straight through, for the first time in ages.  I’ve been sleeping better since I started taking it, but I was still having multiple waking episodes per night.  But, not last night.  So relieved.

But, Seroquel is making me feel very druggy.  My head feels thick…full of cotton.  I walk like a drunken sailor and am being especially careful around the few steps that we have. Thank God for the ranch style house!  Now if I fall down steps, it’s only 2 or 3.  Of course, they are brick, which hurts like a mother, but it’s an improvement from going down 12 or 13 steps.

My racing thoughts are a real problem.  As I sit here writing this, I feel dizzy and druggy and so tired.  But, the second I stop writing and give in to the exhaustion, my thoughts go to a million little minutia that don’t matter, and also to larger issues that I can’t do anything about.  This alertness of the mind drives me from my bed.

I rarely nap.  I want to stay up during the day to help the nighttime sleep schedule.  I’m afraid if I sleep during the day I’ll really mess things up.

Yesterday was one of the better days I’ve had in awhile.  I didn’t do anything.  I accomplished nothing, other than drying out a pork tenderloin and drowning it in barbeque sauce to try to save it.  Barbecue sauce has saved my ass on many occasions. But otherwise, I felt good.  I didn’t want to risk doing much that could send me to panic or frustration or depression.  I just wanted to sit and feel the not horrible emotions.

The other downside of the Seroquel is that I want to eat everything I see.  I’m trying to fill the refrigerator with fruit and vegetables and healthy things that I can shove into my mouth without feeling too guilty.  It doesn’t help that MIL has been making some absolutely fantastic treats recently.  But, so far I’ve kept myself away from the cannoli dip.  *crosses fingers*

I have to write another post.  A couple days ago I wrote I Wish.  My therapist wants me to go back and write another post detailing my strengths and what I’m grateful for.  I’m having a really hard time with my strengths.  I see all the things I can no longer do very easily.  But, if I can break down those activities into smaller parts of the whole, there are things that I’m good at.  I just can’t see the smaller bits as well.  Also, my grateful bits so far revolve around hubby almost entirely.  

But, I’m going to try.  I hope to get that post up later today.