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I am so frustrated.
I have been working on a post for days.
When I came up with the post idea in therapy last week, I was very eloquent. I explained it extremely well. I was logical. I sounded intelligent.
Now it’s gone.
The ideas I had seemed so solid and so obvious. But, it would seem that they were held together with bubble gum and tape because they have blown away with the breeze.
Even writing this post explaining my frustration with my other post is proving extremely difficult.
I’m having trouble stringing together logical thoughts. I’m having trouble finding my words. This post is just over 100 words and it has taken a 1/2 hour to write.
I used to be so good with my words.
I have therapy again today. Maybe she can remind me of my brilliant idea, and I can come up with a good post for later today.
I. Hate. This.
Normal is out there 
This happens to me all the time. The posts usually come to me as I’m laying in bed at night, unable to sleep. I don’t want to get up, and I can’t turn on a light to write it down because I don’t want to wake up my husband. Then I start ruminating on the post and it takes even longer to fall asleep. Then in the morning, I sit down at the computer and *poof* all gone. It normally takes me a very long time to write a post, to say things exactly the way I want to say them, and even when I think it’s write and hit “Publish,” I worry it’s not really what I wanted to say at all. I used to be brilliant as well – meds, ECT, life…
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It’s so frustrating. I still can’t quite remember what I wanted to say. It’s irritating. Even though I can’t think of what it was, I’m sure it was brilliant 😉 lol
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Happens all the time. I’ll be washing dishes or doing something mundane
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Hit the send button on accident.
I’ll be in the middle of some mundane task and a great post will hit me. Boom, it’s gone when I get to a piece of paper. Or I’ll be in the middle of a great debate with my husband…and I’ll forget what we were even talking about! It frustrates me some days, but some days all I can do is laugh at myself. Never know if it’s a bipolar thing or ADD…you don’t suffer alone in this. I hope this comforts you a bit.
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It does, thank you. I often stop halfway through a sentence to find the word I want to use and by the time I find it, I don’t remember what I was talking about.
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I hate when people tell me this, but I’ve found it to be true: it will pass (it *will*!!!)
I give you big credit for writing ANYTHING! I’m proud of you for posting this about your struggles, and for being real. I went for years and years without writing. You won’t – I just wrote that to explain how bipolar blockage shit does come and go in regard to writing! There’s hope! 🙂
Xo and yes, you can call me Pollyanna from now on.
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Oh Dyane you are so NOT Pollyanna! lol
I’m so very frustrated with the memory loss section of bipolar. I don’t know if it’s the disease or the meds. And I don’t know if the memories are gone or just buried in Lamictal slime.
I’m going to talk to pdoc about it next week. My therapist said today that she has noticed my memory problems getting worse. I used to be so “on” all the time. I miss that.
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It’ll come back!!!!!! (your memory) is that fucking depression! Meds could play a part too….. I’m not going to sugarcoat it – both the depression and the meds are fuckers when it comes to messing with our memories. Glad your therapist sees what’s going on!!!!! XOXO
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xoxo
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I can empathize how tough it can be. Perhaps let technology help you organize your thoughts and ideas?
The are voice recording apps you can download on your phone. Get an idea, want to articulate it – talk into your app so you have it for later when you can write. There are also great notepad style apps that may also do the trick.
There is always hope BTW, stay tough!
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Thanks Vic. I’m trying to hang in there. I go on and off with being frustrated about various issues, I’m always pissed about something. Right now it’s my (lack of) memory, next week it’ll be something else. 🙂
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I’m so sorry.
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All good things to those who wait. Really though, set backs happen. We know that better than most. All that matters is you made the effort. You still ARE great with words. You just had a brief moment of loss and will come back soon!
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Thanks Michelle, I appreciate it.
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Of course:)
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Been there! I think this happens even to people who aren’t bipolar like we are. I’ve read countless writers say that they’ll have a great idea and then . . . it’s gone. Sometimes it comes back, sometimes not. I try to jot down something in my writer’s notebook (which I keep near me almost all the time) to trigger my memory. It can be a word or phrase or paragraph or outline. But sometimes, gone is gone, and all you can do is mourn–light a candle, draw a picture–and move on. You WILL have more ideas! Hang in there.
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Thanks Laura. For awhile I was carrying a small notebook with me. I would write down when I took my meds or things I needed to do. Therapist wants me to start carrying it again. I’m probably going to start taking notes at therapy as well. Hopefully that will help.
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I know that unless my psychiatrist writes down what he wants me to do (medicine reminders, etc.), I’ll nod my head and promptly forget his directions by the time I’ve paid the bill! I hope this helps you. 🙂
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Definitely! Thanks!
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I have those days as well. Luckily, my kids or cats or stbex give me plenty to replace it. Hopefully it will come back to u soon.
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Thank you.
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I am far from :focused like a laser beam” but when I approached my current doc about the attention deficit thing…He said it is a common byproduct of bipolar. Have you ever discussed the problems with attention with your doc? Focalin helps me, though it is different for everyone. I may not be superfocused but at least now my thoughts are less like a lottery ball popper and more like Bingo where they call each number one at a time.
It helps. Just takes a very good doctor to help.
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I haven’t really discussed the severity with her. I have said it, but never complained about it. Which is because, I think, that up until now it really didn’t bother me. Until now, I was willing to trade that side effect for stabilization. Now my distress over no memory is impacting how well the meds work because of my depression and anxiety about the side effects.
I’ll have to look into the Focalin. Thanks for the suggestion.
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I forget everythingggggg, it drives me crazy. I keep around something to write on all the time and anytime I think of something I have to write it down immediately or I’ll forget it moments later. It really sucks, but at least you’re not alone in this…
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I’m trying to keep this little notebook that I have with me at all times. But I keep forgetting. *sigh*
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I can so relate. I’m constantly turning to google and thesaurus…. “what’s that word used for when people xyz..”. It makes me feel inadequate and stupid. And also slightly dyslexic because I switch words and letters around too. Very frustrating!
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I google how to spell words constantly. It’s ridiculous because somewhere in that brain of mine, the information is (hopefully) there, I just can’t dig down deep enough to get it.
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