Day 2 of horrible anxiety.

The amount of effort being put into not being a bitch is huge.  Now I’m anxious and exhausted, which is always an interesting place to be.  If interesting means sucky.

No walk for me today.  My dog, Earl, goes with me and started limping last night. Sometimes when the weather starts to get cooler his joints bother him.  So, I’ve got to go get him some gluclosamine.  But, I can’t go out for a walk without him, unless other people are awake.  He goes completely batshit if I try to leave without him.  Probably no walk tomorrow either as it’s supposed to rain.

Tomorrow is pdoc appointment and therapy.  I’m going to get off the Seroquel tomorrow.  I can’t wait to keep going on my weight loss and exercise plan and actually lose weight.  That’ll be fun.

I feel like someone let thousands of butterflies loose in my stomach.  I really despise feeling like this.  I even took a valium, but no relief.  If I take another one, I could end up falling asleep and then that’ll fuck up my sleep tonight and blah blah blah blah. Another day and another pile of bullshit to wade through.  I just wish it was actual problems causing my anxiety.  I could deal with that.  Get an action plan.  Do something proactive.  Anxiety for anxiety’s sake is just a fucked up way to get through the day. Same for depression for the sake of depression.

I feel like I write the same couple of posts over and over again.  There’s the “I’m really anxious” post, the “I’m really depressed” post and the “Goddamn I am so fat” post.  Oh yeah and the “SSA can kiss my ass” post.

I think I will be retreating to the bedroom for some mindless TV and another valium.