My car accident was almost a week ago now. But, the effects are becoming more and more intrusive. And my mood is starting to suffer.
It appears that the hospital missed a broken wrist. I’m still waiting for the specialist to call and set up an appointment after the x-ray I had on thursday afternoon. The pcp called Friday to inform me that there is a small fracture and they were referring me to this specialist.
Meanwhile, I’m in pain.
The bruises are turning some beautiful shades of green and yellow and in some places still a nice deep purple. I look like someone beat me across the shins over and over again.
And it hurts
My car is totaled. I loved my car. Still, better the car then me. But, yesterday I realized something very crucial. Something that made the depression really begin to rise.
I’m trapped. If I want to flee this house and get away from everyone, I can’t. I’m stuck here. Never mind that I shouldn’t drive anyway with a fractured wrist. But the absolute inability to flee should the need occur is freaking me out.
Running away is one of those things that I do every so often when I feel like I have so much (self) blame on me that I just have to run away to try to get out from underneath it all. Now, even if my wrist were better, I’m stuck. There will be no running away to be by myself. Last year I drove to the hospital and sat in the parking lot and cried and cried and cried. I figured 1) it was somewhere I could go and cry and no one would really question it and 2) I couldn’t decide whether I needed to go to the ER for help, but if I was parked there it would be easy.
I’m seriously behind in reading blogs. I may have to skip a day or two to catch up. I feel the subtle slide downward. All I want to do is sleep. I’m actually considering going back to bed now, even though I’ve been there for more then 12 hours already.
Safe now. Slowly sliding.