I haven’t written much recently. Actually, I haven’t written anything for a few days.
I have been trying to get back to my normal.
I got pretty out of sorts a week or so ago. I turned in my prescriptions for my klonopin and ambien at the drug store and they were out of them. I don’t know if the demand for anti-anxiety and sleep meds has gone up for the holidays (I certainly wouldn’t be surprised) but CVS was out of them and so was I. It took 2 days for my meds to be available, but by then I was a mess. Anxiousness, sleeplessness, and withdrawal had combined to make me a teary eyed bitch.
Once I got the meds it took a couple days to level out. I spent most of the weekend asleep or laying around in a sleepy stupor.
Yesterday was the first day in awhile that I could honestly say I felt decent. And I managed to use that to get a lot done. Grocery store #1? check. Grocery store #2? (yes, I had to go to 2 different ones to catch up…sigh) check. Family christmas cards mailed? check. Floor vacuumed? check. I even baked a batch of cookies. It was a Christmas miracle.
I’m tired today though. I slept for 11 hours last night, and I’m only awake now because the cats were insistent that if they weren’t fed they would perish from starvation.
Even though I did manage to run the vacuum yesterday, the house itself is a disaster. Not dirty, but extremely messy. There is just stuff laying everywhere. I hate that I let it get like this. Hubby works constantly to make financial ends meet and the house is supposed to be my thing. But, I can’t keep up. I feel horrible about it, because our house is small and I almost never leave it. It should be spotless. But, it’s not. Even the non-perishable groceries that I bought yesterday aren’t put away yet. I blame it on needing to reorganize the shelves, which does need to be done, but I’m not working on that either.
Therapy today. Which is good. Therapy is almost always good for me. I am the type of person that needs to vent, and therapy gives me that opportunity. We work on identifying the reasons some things bother me, and working on those things, but we also recognize that sometimes it’s just my brain acting out and that I just need to verbally spew.
Just in case this is the last post before Christmas I’m sending you all wishes for a Merry Christmas. If you don’t celebrate than I wish you a fantastic December 25!
Peace and love ❤