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Originally I was going to title this “Be Careful What You Wish For”.  But, now I’m realizing that these feelings are entirely dependent on the time of day and how much I’m thinking about at the time.

I couldn’t wait for MIL to go to PA to visit family.  We bought her a plane ticket for Christmas and she is gone for 10 days.  10 days where I would have the house to myself every afternoon and evening after hubby went to work.  And then hubby and I would have the house to ourselves over the New Year’s holiday.

But, now hubby is in PA, too.  It’s a necessary trip, to get J into rehab.  But, after hubby left yesterday, I was really disappointed.  I didn’t want the house to myself anymore.  I wanted hubby to not have to leave.  I wanted to have him here for our traditional chilled out New Year’s Eve.

But, then I got up this morning and I was able to get things accomplished. Early.  While I have energy.  And I didn’t have to be extra special quiet, because no one else is here.

I need to revel in this  time alone.  I have to find a way to enjoy every single drop of it.  Because, it could be the last time I’m alone for a very long time.

Assuming J goes to rehab, he will not be able to stay in PA.  His mother is useless and her badgering will only send him back to old friends and old habits.

So, he will be coming to live with us.

I don’t even know how we are going to figure that out.  But, again assuming he goes into rehab, we will have about a month to get it together.  I know that he has to be responsible for himself, but we can’t just leave him there.  We have to help him change his situation.  It will be his decision to make it work, but we need to give him a fighting chance and he will not have that living with his mother.  Rehab will help him get medical assistance so we will be able to help him find a therapist (no way is he going to Karen, she’s mine!) and get him set with a doctor that can help manage his meds.  He’s going to need an antidepressant and rehab will more than likely start him on suboxone for the heroin detox and recovery.

Karen and I need to start right away preparing my mental state for J’s possible move here.  The last time someone moved in (MIL) I dropped my marbles only 2 months later.  I couldn’t cope with the change and the depression made me want to wrap my car around a tree.

Now the change is going to be staggeringly large.  As of right now, the only place for J to sleep is the couch.  Hubby and I have been waiting for a little over a year now, to put a small bedroom addition on the back of the house. This was to have been paid for with the money MIL got for selling her house in PA.  But, it hasn’t happened and her money is dwindling fast. She copes with her depression by shopping.  Not good.

This situation is a serious test of my ability to handle one thing at a time.  I cannot allow myself to get worked up about what is coming a month from now.  I have to deal with what I can do now.  And that is to support hubby and get this house purged of crap and cleaned super well so that we are ready to start dealing with J moving in.  We may finish the room over the garage (although I don’t know where all the shit that is up there now will go) or to get that addition built however we can.

For now, I await hubby’s call to let me know if J goes to rehab or not.

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