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Yesterday was a bad day for me.

I wasn’t feeling it to start with.  I had an appointment with one of my orthopedic doctors to check my wrist and elbow.  (I don’t have to wear the brace anymore, but I’m still not allowed to lift anything with my right hand).  After that I had to run to the wholesale butchers.  This place is huge.  I’ve never seen so much meat in one place.  Usually, I love to go there.  Buying expensive food for cheap with extremely good quality is something that usually makes me very happy.

But, the events of earlier in the day had me down.

Like I said, I wasn’t feeling it even when I got up.  So I was already pushing really hard to get myself moving at all.

Then hubby tells me that he got a call about going to PA to attend one of J’s family counseling appointments.  And J said specifically that he did not want me there.

Daggers to the heart.

Why? What had I done wrong? Sure, I got in a fight with the mother but that was a year and a half ago.  If anyone was pissed about that anymore I surely would have heard about it before now.

J was saying he didn’t want to come South to live with us…because of me.

This bit of news sent hubby to the edge for two reasons.  One, he was hurt by J’s unwillingness to have me around and two he was afraid it would start some sort of episode for me.

It turns out that when J lived with us a couple years ago, I had given him money and told him not to tell his father.  Finances were tight and I often didn’t tell hubby the particulars because he was stressed enough about his low paychecks.  Apparently, J is now interpreting this as me asking him to lie to his father.  Ok, I see what he’s saying, but hubby and I are still pretty dumbfounded.  Not three weeks ago, J spun such a doozy lie to his father, unprompted by me I might add, about his drug use.  And we’ve caught him in lies all over the place in the last few years.  Even while he was living here with us.

So, what this tells me, is that he’s looking for excuses to not move here. So, we are going to try to find a halfway house in PA for him to move into. This way, he will have to work, he will have to stay clean, but he will be able to see his mother, sister, brother and nephew on occasion.

Having him in that sort of situation is probably the best thing for him.  It will help him to transition to an adult life, which should have happened years ago.  But, the mother couldn’t allow her “babies” to stretch their wings and fly.  My therapist called it “spousifying”.  Gross.

So, I ended up getting nothing accomplished at all yesterday.  We didn’t find out the real reason for my exclusion until around 6 in the evening and I had already taken to the bed from sadness.

So, goal for today is to get some crap done around here.  I hate to say it, but there is a slight life in my mood knowing that J may not move down here.  I would take him in a heartbeat if that’s what happens, but not having me move in removes a HUGE pile of stress from everyone.

Time to fold that laundry that’s been languishing in the dryer for the last two days.