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Today I just really really am over other people being anywhere near me.  I’ve done what I have to do in the rest of the house and I have now retreated to my bed.  I should go empty the dishwasher, but I don’t fucking feel like it..so there.

The day started off well enough.  Hubby finished putting shelves in my greenhouse.  It’s really simple, easily changeable, thankfully super inexpensive and looks great.  I seriously can’t ask for more.

While he was doing that I was inside looking into sober transitional homes for J.  We leave tomorrow to go to North so hubby can meet with the counselor and J on Friday.  At which point whatever horrible thing I have done that “will be discussed in counselling with the family present” will come to light.  Of course, I won’t be there, as I have been asked to not attend.  And I’ve been trying really hard all week to take it in stride.  He’s an addict…it could be anything…it could be a lie….  And today it’s just not working.  I’m pissed, I’m sad, and I’m wicked stressed.  I’ve already down 1.5 mg of Klonopin and I still feel like I’m gonna jump out of my skin.

I printed out information on several sober living transitional homes that I found and made little booklets for hubby to take to the counseling session so J and the counselor have some options to look at.  I cleaned off the coffee table because hubby said it was bothering MIL.  ???  Seriously?  It bugs me that she does shit all the time, but I’m not allowed to talk about that.  So the fucking coffee table is cleaned off.  Of everything except hubby’s shit, because if I’m gonna do it, then I’m apparently gonna be a bitch about it.

I’m feeling pretty under-fucking-appreciated right now and it’s probably just my perception but I’m annoyed.   The fact that I’ve put so much effort into getting J into rehab and finding him a nice place to go after (seriously, these places are nicer then my house and cost less) rates no consideration from anyone really ticks me off.  I know that this whole thing is not about me but I’ve texted A three times to see if she needs money to buy smokes for J and she will NOT return my texts, even though she’s been on Fakebook all morning long.  I’m actually offering cash and she is not returning my calls.  What the fuckity fuck is that?

We’re packed and ready to go except for meds and toiletries.  Two days in the car for a two day visit.  This shit would be exhausting even if we weren’t already tired from stress.

I hate feeling like such a bitch