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ugh

Happy Easter first off….I hope each and every one of you has a lovely day whether it’s your holiday or not.

So my mood is doing the limbo and the question currently is “How low will she go?”.  This crash is accompanied by general crabbiness, sadness and a serious desire to go back to bed and let someone else cook the ham.  I’m in no mood.  I have hopes though, that my mood won’t go super low because my hypo didn’t go super high.

I have noticed that when I’m hypomanic it’s easier to deal with.  I am figuring out ways to use the energy.  I’ve done some great baking and made a lot of progress with my garden.  And, if all else fails, I can take.5mg of klonopin to take the edge off.

But, the depression is so awful.  Some days are better than others, but this first day is sucking hard.  I want to cry, I want to go back to bed and I want to stay in bed.  A is calling us on Skype a little later with grandson and I don’t even care.  I wish I did, but I don’t.

I think that the frustration for me with the depression is that there is no rescue remedy.  If you are really anxious or really hypo or manic….there are rescue meds that you can take so things don’t get too far out of hand.  But, if you’re depressed…that’s it…you’re depressed. Whether there is truth in Big Pharma not wanting to cure diseases because it’s more profitable to treat than cure…I don’t know.  But, damn, can’t you make up something to pull us out of this horrible hole?  Like a fast-acting depression rescue med?

Well, tonight is Walking Dead and Talking Dead so at least there is good TV in my future.

Maybe I’ll spend tomorrow in bed.

Unless I feel better…which would be awesome.

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