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I called my parents.

If you read my post earlier where I was feeling manic you can disregard that.  I feel like shit.  All I want to do is cry

The story my parents told could not have been more different than the one my brother told me.  The only thing that everyone agrees on is that my father told my brother that he should have killed himself.

Awesome.

And my father said that he apologized (I saw the apology…it was a text…and it was lame) and since you can’t take it back that should be the end of it.

So I guess that’s the end of it.

I was kind to my mother.  I asked if she was ok.  I wasn’t mean or bitchy or accusatory. But, according to my father “thanks for bringing it up because now she’s crying again”.

Fantastic.

I told my father that I have spent years wanting to kill myself (on and off) and that I’ve been hospitalized twice because the urge was too strong to resist.  “What do you want me to say?  I apologized” he said.

Told him it was the cruelest thing I could ever think of that someone could say to another person and he asked if I had anything else I wanted to talk about.

So I’m an idiot.  And I can’t stop crying, and I’m going to go lay down and watch reruns of the Walking Dead.

Fuck this shit.

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