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Up before the crack of dawn.  Trazadone is starting to not work again.  I have a prescription for Ambien that I need to go get filled.  Hopefully, switching back and forth will keep each one working.

I’m not feeling great today.  And I do mean mentally.  To start…I’m exhausted.  Like, I could sleep from now to tomorrow with no sleep meds.

And I’m feeling irritable and annoyed…it’s like an internal itch that I can’t scratch.  And no one else is even awake yet.

MIL wants to make lasagna today.  She doesn’t eat beef, so we’re gonna make it with ground chicken and sausage.  Handmade noodles.  It’s gonna be a project and one that I’m not sure that I’m up to.  But it will take care of dinners for hubby for a couple days, and I want him to be happy as he’s working all weekend to get us extra money.  I want to do it, but I don’t want to do it.  It sounds hard (realistically it’s not, it just takes time), plus I’m not going to be able to do it alone, so it’s going to be annoying.

So, for the moment, I’m playing around with Bipolar Depression.  Whether today is going to be a mixed bag of depression and hypomania has yet to be seen, but so far it’s just been depression.  The last time I had mixed episodes within a day it was nearly a week before it subsided.  It was extremely hard and I’m really hoping that’s not what’s happening again.

On the plus side, it seems as though the rain is over, so I can go out and open up the greenhouse and let the water that builds up evaporate out.  High humidity in there seems to only grow mildew.  The garden is a good coping skill for me….even if I just do a little bit each day, it’s useful, peaceful.

I am looking forward to therapy, but it’s not until Tuesday.  I usually go Tuesday and Friday, but last week Karen had to change my Friday till Thursday.  I always find these little changes hard to work with because there is now an extra day in there for things to build up.  But it’s also a very small price to pay for a wonderful therapist.  It’s a safe place to just let it all out.  With a med-resistant bipolar, I’m looking at a situation that may never go away or get much better.  So, a place where I can go to vent, and get help for my issues of the day is priceless.

I’m seeing the sun peek out, so I’m going to go at least open up the greenhouse to get all that water out.

Best wishes to my tribe and everyone for a good day.