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My oldest stepson is moving in.

Let that sink in.

We’re going on vacation with MIL, all three kids and grandson (a/k/a Bug) in two weeks and when it’s over J is moving in with us.  His mother, the bane of my existence, is moving in with Stepdaughter (A) and is taking the youngest son (K) with her.  So K is going to sleep in Bug’s room and Bug is going to sleep with the bane of my existence.  And J is not welcome there because of his drug issues.  Now, he’s been clean since rehab, with one exception, but there is no one he knows who is willing to take him in.  So, he comes here and is going to be sleeping on our couch.

And poor Bug!  He loses his bedroom.  He loves his bedroom.  And he has to sleep with the bane of my existence, whom he loves, because she’s his grandmother, and he should love her.  But, he’s going to sleep in the same bed as her?  For how long?  He’s only 4, bedtime is sometimes a real problem.  And he can’t really be sent to his room because he shares it with her.  Not really my problem, but I don’t like it.  I think that K should set up shop in the basement and Bug should keep his room.  But I digress.

I don’t even know what to think about all of this.  I’m definitely anxious.  The more people I am around the more stressed out I get.  And now it seems as though my house is going to be where the whole world lives.  I know that’s not true, but it seems to be what my brain is talking about.  Part of the reason for that, is that we don’t have an extra room for him.  So, he will be living on our couch.  So when I get up in the morning, there he will be.  And I can’t send him anywhere because there’s nowhere for him to go.  His luggage?  Probably in the living room.

When MIL moved in, she was supposed to take the proceeds from selling her house and use that to help us build an extra room on the back of our house.  We had taken our master bedroom and added most of my office to it to make her a big room that she would be able to use even if she ends up with a walker or wheelchair someday.  Which left hubby and I in a very small guest room.  Too small.  And MIL didn’t set aside any money and now she has none.  So hubby and I are waiting for the money to come in from my car accident or Lord help us, disability.

But that doesn’t help us in the short term.  And my anxiety is rising and rising and rising. I’ve spent most of the last two days in bed.  My psychiatrist calling in a prescription for a med I no longer take isn’t helping much either.  I haven’t decided what to do about my psychiatrist, but I have decided to try lithium when we come home.  I told her that at my last appointment and she was shocked that we had never tried it.  Idiot.

Part of my anxiety, which is turning to anger, is that J is almost 27 and has done nothing with his life.  He currently has no job, no health insurance, no savings, no nothing.  The clothes he wears, we bought those.  The house he lives in is paid for by his brother and mother and they can’t afford it any longer with no contribution from him.  Of course, if they got rid of the premium cable service and stopped eating food from the convenience store and actually went grocery shopping, they would have more money, but again, not my problem.  I worry about it constantly, but, I keep trying to remind myself that it’s not my problem.

Now, J is supposedly moving to Colorado in August.  Although he keeps saying that he’s moving there and it keeps not happening.  But, since he’s now putting a timeline on it, hubby isn’t going to make him get a job.  What’s the point?  It’s only 2 months.  So he will always be here.  Always.  If he doesn’t move away in August, they are going to need to hospitalize me.

Because I will lose my nut.