I went into therapy this morning feeling pretty good, but the more I talked, the worse things seemed.
A lot of this has to do with J. Hubby and I had come up with a small list of expectations for J while he is living with us, and hubby is holding him to very little. That’s not to say J isn’t helping out, he is, but he’s also been kind of shady. Like yesterday. He got a package from his mom with some of his stuff and she sent him $20. I don’t know why she sent an addict with no direction money, but I rarely understand the mother. Then he was furiously typing on the tablet I gave him. Long messages on Facebook messenger. An hour later and I realize he’s gone. Not at the house. But no car. Then I see him come walking down the road. He said he went for a walk. And I believe that. But I believe there was much more to it. And I’ll bet $20 he doesn’t have his $20 anymore. He knows people down here and they all smoke pot. And I have nothing against smoking pot except for someone who is already a drug addict and will do nothing to get support for himself. No meetings, no therapy, nothing.
I told hubby that I wanted to talk about this situation and he went and did something else. He’s enjoying having his son around and doesn’t want to be perceived as a dick, and I get that. BUT, we have to get on the same damn page here.
Karen is away on vacation next week. She has someone covering her office hours, but I’m very anxious about her going away. I feel like I’m slipping a little. I wish that wasn’t the case because I JUST started on lithium and I want to be getting better, but the triggers are tough.
And the lithium? I feel nauseous the second that shit hits my tongue.