I went into therapy this morning feeling pretty good, but the more I talked, the worse things seemed.
A lot of this has to do with J. Hubby and I had come up with a small list of expectations for J while he is living with us, and hubby is holding him to very little. That’s not to say J isn’t helping out, he is, but he’s also been kind of shady. Like yesterday. He got a package from his mom with some of his stuff and she sent him $20. I don’t know why she sent an addict with no direction money, but I rarely understand the mother. Then he was furiously typing on the tablet I gave him. Long messages on Facebook messenger. An hour later and I realize he’s gone. Not at the house. But no car. Then I see him come walking down the road. He said he went for a walk. And I believe that. But I believe there was much more to it. And I’ll bet $20 he doesn’t have his $20 anymore. He knows people down here and they all smoke pot. And I have nothing against smoking pot except for someone who is already a drug addict and will do nothing to get support for himself. No meetings, no therapy, nothing.
I told hubby that I wanted to talk about this situation and he went and did something else. He’s enjoying having his son around and doesn’t want to be perceived as a dick, and I get that. BUT, we have to get on the same damn page here.
Karen is away on vacation next week. She has someone covering her office hours, but I’m very anxious about her going away. I feel like I’m slipping a little. I wish that wasn’t the case because I JUST started on lithium and I want to be getting better, but the triggers are tough.
And the lithium? I feel nauseous the second that shit hits my tongue.
anthromichelle said:
I’m so sorry this situation doesn’t seem to be improving. And I’m really sorry lithium is turning out to be the nasty thing. I hope that it really was just a walk for some fresh air.
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Leslie said:
me too. But my gut doesn’t believe it.
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anthromichelle said:
I understand. And I don’t blame you. It was just a hope that one rare occasion you might be surprised. ❤
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Leslie said:
That would be great! ❤
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anthromichelle said:
I hate how easy it is to get attached to a specific counselor. To know they have your best interests at heart and then they have their own lives and you feel bad for needing them so much. It’s the most sad, bizarre thing in the mental health world, imo.
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Leslie said:
I agree! I don’t think she should never have a vacation or anything, but I’ve met the replacement in passing, and I’m not impressed. I could never do what she does.
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anthromichelle said:
I had a counselor last year who was hands down the best one yet and then she took a job in a different town and I’ve never felt more betrayed. I mean, she had to do what was best for her career, and I 100% respect that, but I was unable to follow her and I was just crushed. The people who are true credits to their profession are both hard to come by and incredibly wonderful.
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Leslie said:
Yes they are. yes they are.
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avaswan said:
My gut doesn’t believe it either. Can you or hubby talk to mom about sending him money. Enlighten her about what happens when addicts get money. Don’t let her make you all be the bad guy. But let her know if she is going to enable him, then she will have to come get him. I am so sorry you are getting nausea from the lithium. I hope that levels off and it will start working to help you feel better. Hugs and peace for you!
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Leslie said:
Thanks Ava. I’m hoping the lithium will do it’s thing. Even if I get a little nausea when I take it, I can deal with that if it works.
Unfortunately, speaking to the mother is like speaking to a brick wall that you are bashing your head against. Hubby has always been the bad guy and she straight up hates me unless she needs something. Not a fun situation.
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avaswan said:
She sounds like the ex-wife I used to have to deal with. It’s a pity some people are just born to be asses. Sorry for my French. Stand strong my friend, we are all behind.
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Leslie said:
Thanks Ava. I appreciate it.
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morgueticiaatoms said:
I am saving a spot at Fort Blankie for you this weekend if you need to escape. ❤
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Leslie said:
Thank you…I need it!!! I’m ready to bash my head against the wall. I can’t work…I spent my therapy this morning begging to be told I was well enough to go back to work and she said no…but J can work and won’t. He’s asleep on the couch right now.
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morgueticiaatoms said:
Hmm, I have six shrieking kids in my yard right now. Shame I can’t just teleport the noise to disturb him.
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Leslie said:
ick
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
Hubby needs to grow a pair and get on the page with you. J needs to be held to the expectations set forth when he got there AVE of need be, go through his mail and tablet. I’m taking control of NSLM back from my parents because instead of making him work and being punished for his actions, he gets rewarded for completing little tasks. DAFUQ?! If need be your hubby can borrow my brass balls.
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Leslie said:
lol Sass! You’re awesome. I feel kind of bad for hubby. He’s always been the bad guy for his kids entire life. But, I can’t have a 27 year old kid on my couch for much longer before I just go to the hospital and ask them to let me have a bed for awhile. Yesterday he was supposed to go to this restaurant he want to work at and talk to the managers and he slept through it. Apparently it wasn’t a scheduled thing, which is good, but it does show me how serious he is about a job.
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
I can see why he’s been the bad guy. Mom let’s the kids do whatever and no consequences, yes? Bullshit. No you can NOT have a 27 year old kid on your couch who doesn’t want better his life. I’m pissed for you. You definitely do NOT need this kind of stress right now. You and Morgue can get a double room at the Rubber Ramada,the way things are going for you both 😦😦😦👎👎👎🚫
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Leslie said:
A room at the rubber Ramada sounds fantastic to be honest. And yes, the Mother let them do whatever they wanted. Her excuse was that they were bigger than her so what was she gonna do? This kid doesn’t get his act in gear then she’s gonna see how 5’4″ can slap 6’4″ into submission. I’ve also got 100 pounds on him
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
I’ll sign you and Morgue up for a double with a view, no crazy arts projects and real silverware!
Ugh, the laziness of some people. (NSLM has 6 inches in me at 14 and I’ll get in his face and snack the snot outta him if need be. Idc because I’m the parent! :D) Can I bring the popcorn to the Leslie Ass Whoopin Show?! I very it’ll be AWESOME! And if hubby doesn’t step up, unfortunately you’ll have too… Oh the war that’ll create. The necessary needs of a family vs not bent the bad guy because the mom was never a parent…
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Leslie said:
Oh, well if I go batshit on the kid it’ll come back on me in horrible fashion. The mother hates me. She has already publically called me a psycho on her facebook page. She doesn’t like me because two years ago I told her to stop bitching because she didn’t have money. She made her bed and I can’t help her with it. I was on thin ice to start with but even grandson occassionally asks me why I yelled at Mimi. Which is lovely.
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
Oh boooo to that bitch. Went the hell does hubby not stand up for you? Bad guy or not, you are his wife and he’s gotta dream with the mom because she refused and still refuses to parent. It’s unacceptable that you have to suffer for standing up for yourself. And its not fair for her to involve the little one(s) Bitch.
Sass is back in her saddle and wants fried chicken!
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Leslie said:
Saying anything to that bitch is extremely complicated. She’s not well and she takes a shit load of heavy duty painkillers (Guess where J’s habit started??? smh). Talking to her is like talking to a wall that on occasion understands you. She’s been saying that she has 6 months to live ever since I’ve met her (9 years maybe?). Wish she’d get on with it already.
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
Omg i can’t help but laugh at the audacity of her. I am so so SO sorry you have to dream with someone like that! Hmmm, where DID he get his habit…
SMH
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Leslie said:
I think my favorite moment with her was the day I stopped over to drop off the child support money for hubby. I knocked, she yelled come in, I did and she was laying on the couch with one of her tits out. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t know it. For me it kind of says it all
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SassaFrassTheFeisty said:
…. No words. W O W
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Leslie said:
lolol yeah
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Sandy Sue said:
Honestly, I don’t know how you’re doing this. Especially after the horror show last year & you trying to butt out of your step-kids’ lives as much as possible.
I had to go to a “sub” therapist a couple of summers ago. It was HARD, but I absolutely HAD to have the support. Even if this sub isn’t a great fit, I’d recommend you get several appointments booked while your A Team is gone. You need all the help you can get right now.
And I’m with everyone else here. Your husband has never done well with conflict or follow-through. Inconsistency is worse than nothing. And passive-aggressive won’t cut it either. He can’t slide by this time.
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Leslie said:
Him and I had a discussion/pseudo-fight about all of this yesterday. And we’re comparing notes and the kid is telling me one thing and him another. I want the kid to be happy, but Jeez, he has got to take some control of his life. It feels like he’s cool with living on our couch for the rest of his life. There is absolutely no motivation there.
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tempestjoy said:
Sorry, it’s so hard to be caught up in an addicts world. Hugs!
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Leslie said:
Thanks Tempest
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