, , , ,

Well, this morning I woke up already in a foul temper.  I feel like the world is giving me the creeps.  There are too many people in my house.  There is too much junk food (and for some weird reason, spices) in my house.  Everything is a mess.

J and MIL went to the movies yesterday.  MIL invited me but I wanted to stay home and straighten up, at the very least, the drink fridge.  Plus, Hubby was working his 13th day in a row and I felt bad going to the movies while he’s at work.  He has 6 more days to work before he can take some time off.  We need the extra money because J now lives here.  We’ve had to take out a loan for him to get his wisdom teeth out (they are all fucked up and extremely painful).  Hubby is desperately trying to plan a small getaway for my birthday and our anniversary and I can’t seem to make him understand that it’s not going to happen.  We do not, and will not, have the money.

There are too many people here.  I was barely hanging on when it was Hubby MIL and me, but now I’ve got a 27 year old unemployed lazy stepson lying around on my living room couch.  He’s up, outside smoking (guess who pays for those?) and hasn’t cleaned up his sheets and blankets on the couch yet.  It is taking everything I have to not entice the dog to jump up there and make himself comfortable.

I looked into the refrigerator this morning and there was a take out box laying on TOP of the Boston Cream Pie I made for hubby the other day.

I’m not the best housekeeper. I wish I was.  If I can’t work outside the home, it would be nice if the inside of my home looked fantastic.  But I do set things up in the kitchen and the pantry in such a way that if people just follow the “rules”, things would still be neat and orderly with no aggravation on my side.  But if MIL sees an empty space she takes it as a personal mission to make sure it’s filled up.

This is of course, my OCD tendencies at work and I really hate it.  I can’t imagine how people with full OCD get through their days.  I’m aggravated with OCD tendencies.

Today, I’m just feeling like I’m freaking out.  I really hate the way things are right now.  I’m having anxiety issues and anger issues and OCD issues, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m feeling hate.  There is only one person that I feel like dealing with today, and that is hubby.  But, I can’t, because he’s working.  Meanwhile the only other person in this house who can work, couldn’t really be bothered.

I just want to crawl into a hole lined with blankets and pillows and go to sleep