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And I need her NOW.  I have an appointment tomorrow and she’s still on vacation today, so I’ll definitely have to wait.

But I know longer know how to function with the addict who sleeps on my sofa, otherwise known as my oldest stepson J.

He’s 27.  He came to us with only the clothes we bought him while he was in rehab.  So of course hubby took him out to buy him some shorts and a pair of shoes he can wear when he finally starts work.

Then we spent $2300 (thank God for credit cards) to get all 4 of his wisdom teeth taken out, plus another $100 for meds.  Once again proving to him that he doesn’t need health insurance, someone else will pay for it.

I woke up the other morning and went and sat on the loveseat.  His bathing suit was there (I can’t even deal with that part) and in the pocket – VISIBLE TO ME (I did not go digging), were 5 syringes.  I brought them out to our little pool, where hubby was sitting and showed him.  When J finally came outside he tried to tell us that he had brought those from home.  But, I looked at them.  They were cat syringes for diabetes that I had meant to donate to the SPCA when Leila died.  But I has forgotten all about them until J discovered them.  The story we were finally able to get was that he found the syringes, and walked to Walmart in the middle of the night hoping that the $5.00 in his pocket would get him some heroin.

I seriously don’t know what to do.  I’m barely holding myself together (probably should have gone to replacement therapist, but I really don’t like him) from the bipolar and depression.  Then you throw all this bullshit on top and I’m paralyzed.

I have to find a way to be ok personally, while triggers bounce all around me.