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Why can’t I cope?  I go to therapy twice a week.  I’m an intelligent woman.  I take the two required handfuls of pills each day.  I go get my blood drawn to check for lithium toxicity.  I do EVERYTHING I am supposed to do.

And I’m a mess.  Yes there are abnormal events happening right now with the stepson living here.  But I have learned to try to step back, before I get really upset.  Useless right now.

I have learned to come here and write.  I haven’t been here in days.

Hubby went to therapy with me this morning and I thought that we would figure out a plan for dealing with J.  What I learned is that he believes I’m barely capable of taking care of myself let alone dealing with a drug addict.

So I went completely the other way and locked anything of value that would fit, in our safe. Fuck it.  Now I can leave my room and not feel like my stuff could be gone through.  It still could…it’s just that there’s nothing to find.

Not a long post today.  I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble hanging on.  I swear to God, I’m gonna end up in the hospital before this is over.