Why can’t I cope? I go to therapy twice a week. I’m an intelligent woman. I take the two required handfuls of pills each day. I go get my blood drawn to check for lithium toxicity. I do EVERYTHING I am supposed to do.
And I’m a mess. Yes there are abnormal events happening right now with the stepson living here. But I have learned to try to step back, before I get really upset. Useless right now.
I have learned to come here and write. I haven’t been here in days.
Hubby went to therapy with me this morning and I thought that we would figure out a plan for dealing with J. What I learned is that he believes I’m barely capable of taking care of myself let alone dealing with a drug addict.
So I went completely the other way and locked anything of value that would fit, in our safe. Fuck it. Now I can leave my room and not feel like my stuff could be gone through. It still could…it’s just that there’s nothing to find.
Not a long post today. I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble hanging on. I swear to God, I’m gonna end up in the hospital before this is over.