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I’m already ready for a new ride, but the carnival man won’t let me off the scrambler so I can take a nice lazy turn on the carousel.

So, scrambler brain it is.

I’ve been writing less frequently recently and I don’t know why.  I’m having a hard time sitting down and organizing my thoughts, but I’m not sure why that is.  Is it because the events going on in our house right now are so charged?  Is the stupid Lithium making my brain dumb? (It’s making me clumsy and it’s making me forget even worse than the Tegretol).

I saw Karen yesterday for therapy and afterwards she found me a third appointment for this week.  So, I certainly can’t say I’m getting better if the therapist wants to see me three times a week.  But, I’m very grateful that she has made time in her schedule to see me more often.

Everything here is as it was.  Although more information has come to light…J did heroin the week before we went for family vacation.  He bought Suboxone on the street to hide the withdrawal some while we were away.  And come to think of it, he drank a LOT on that trip.

Hubby is an ostrich.  If he doesn’t yank his head out of the sand soon, he’s gonna suffocate.  He doesn’t want to make any decisions until the kid starts working, which is dependent on construction, but should be any day now.  I want him to get help BEFORE he has money in his pocket.

We are butting heads so much that several nights have turned into him not speaking to me.  Which is crazy, because we are always so on point with one another.  Yes, he gets frustrated with my bipolar brain sometimes…but we rarely fight.  Until J moved in.  I told him this morning that I’m not willing to sacrifice my marriage for a drug addict.  I told him what I thought we should do.  Now I’m leaving him alone with his thoughts for awhile.

I’ve had a few nice conversations with The Mother, which is weird but I’m grateful I didn’t have to endure yelling on multiple fronts.

Today I see pdoc.  My clumsiness has been increased, my empty memory banks have worsened, and I feel just blah.  I’d rather take a step back on the Lithium and add in one additional Klonopin.

Actually I’d rather that they make pot legal, but that’s another post.

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