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I’ve been putting off this post for almost a week.  I promised my therapist I would write it, but there is always something else going on that allows me to postpone this post.

I have yet to hear from anyone at Social Security regarding my disability claim.  I’m still waiting for my file to be put together, so it can be sent to a judge and then have a hearing set.

So, basically no change.

Except for the way this constant delay is affecting me.

I have just informed my husband that he has to work overtime this weekend.  I hate doing that.  But, his paycheck alone is just not cutting it.  There’s a lot going on where he works, and they might be getting a union, which hopefully helps with the hourly rate.  But, my inability to contribute financially is something that weighs on my self-confidence.  And with gaining 60 lbs worth of mood stabilizer weight, cognitive impairment due to mood stabilizers and issues with sex due to a chronic pain condition called intersticial cystitis, my self-confidence really can’t take much more.

Working was always something I loved.  Sure, there were bad days here and there, but I worked hard and I made good money.  I started my working life when I was 6 or 7, cleaning shelves in my father’s store, and SSI shows me having money paid to them since 1986 when I was 16.

I have 2 doctors and 1 therapist all stating that I can no longer work (and will likely never be able to again…awesome).  And I have to still wonder why I haven’t been approved.

The SSI “Blue Book” or “Listings” show Bipolar Disorder as one of the conditions that is eligible for disability.  Impairments that Qualify for Bipolar Disorder Disability Benefits are:

  • severe limitation of daily activity,
  • inability to interact with others in a normal way, or
  • recurring episodes of decompensation, which last for an extended period of time.

Got it, got it, and got it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I would much rather work.  I would much rather never have to admit to anyone ever that I feel the way I do.  I would rather cover it up and go to work.  But, I don’t have the ability to hide much anymore.

This judge is going to be confronted by a teary eyed mess of a human being.

Hopefully I get to meet him soon.