DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It was originally developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan for the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.
Subsequently, DBT has been adapted to work with other illnesses including Bipolar Disorder. The book I use was written by Sheri Van Dijk, who is extremely well versed in the practice of DBT.
DBT is hard. I’m only a chapter in and so many things have come to the surface. Often, DBT is taught in groups, however I am fortunate enough to have a therapist familiar with the teachings and understanding enough to know that I would not do well in a group.
The first few sections in the workbook are questionnaires regarding symptoms. General Bipolar symptoms and then specific questionnaires about mania and depression. As I’m sitting at home, reading these questionnaires and checking off all of the symptoms except one or two, I became agitated and upset. Then angry. 11 out of 13 general symptoms. 32 out of 33 depression symptoms, and 27 out of 34 mania symptoms. A lot of symptoms. A lot. An amount that I was very uncomfortable with.
But, as I discussed this list with my therapist (got it, got it, got it…) I slowly started to come to terms with something.
I have Bipolar Disorder.
Of course, I’ve known that for awhile. But, mostly because doctors told me that I had Bipolar Disorder. I think that this was probably one of the first times someone ever sat a list of symptoms in front of me and I had to face the reality of what was going on. And, while it was extremely difficult, I think that in the end it’s been extremely useful. I have developed a level of acceptance that I didn’t have before. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way, shape or form happy about having Bipolar Disorder, but acceptance doesn’t always have to mean happiness.
The next hurdle was a series of questions about when symptoms started. The first question was: How old were you when you first recall feeling really sad or extremely down and these feelings didn’t seem connected to a specific situation?
Um, does the suicide attempt at age 14 count? I don’t remember why. At all. I remember picking out the pills, I remember falling asleep and I remember waking up. I remember I was unhappy waking up. I remember my mother calling me for dinner. I remember nothing else.
Yes, childhood was hard. There was emotional abuse. But, I’m in good company on that count. So I never, ever, counted this attempt as anything. In fact I have reported that I have never attempted suicide to many doctors, glossing over this one important fact.
But now, faced with this book, I had to be honest. And in our discussions, my therapist and I uncovered many more issues from my young adult years. Was my hyperactivity at school and out with friends mania, hypomania, or just joy at being free? Obviously there was a Major Depressive Episode.
So, was I bipolar even then? Or was it the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I still have thank you very much) which was going undiagnosed?
What I’ve come to realize (and again after a LOT of talking to my therapist) is that I don’t think it matters. Yes, something was going on, but that suicide attempt was 32 years ago. Does it matter what illness caused it?
No. It does not. It’s a tool to help me understand my life. And now I do understand a lot better than I did a couple weeks ago.
The next chapter is about mindfulness. I will start learning some skills. I have no doubt that it’s going to be hard. I’m a future thinker. Always worried about what’s coming up, what might happen, planning for the worst. Trying to keep myself present in a moment is going to challenge me.
But, I’ve gained a lot of insight from the Introduction and Chapter One, so I’m eager to at least try Chapter Two.
avaswan said:
It seems this book will help you learn and accept yourself more, which is a good thing. I think you are a pretty great person, the hard part is thinking that about ourselves. And I am totally with you on worrying about tomorrow. Proud of you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Leslie said:
Thanks so much Ava!
LikeLike
the-reluctant-parent said:
is that the book called Calming the emotional storm?
LikeLike
Leslie said:
No, it’s actually The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bipolar Disorder: Using DBT to Regain Control of Your Emotions and Your Life…but I did see that book and I’m curious.
LikeLike
stuffthatneedssaying said:
I have the original one that is not designed specifically for bipolar and there was some helpful material in there. Group is okay for me, but I’m comfortable with groups as far as mental health treatment goes. But the best material I’ve used was from Moonshine Consulting. It’s what my individual therapist gave me for months before I was able to join the group.
LikeLike
Leslie said:
I’ll have to look into that. Normally I’m ok in a group, but I’m having a hard time getting my reading and questions done when I should because I get stuck a lot.
LikeLike
morgueticiaatoms said:
Good luck! None of this stuff works for me, but then, I’ve been at this for so long, I think I’ve learned some mega coping skills on my own. The bipolar mood swings will never stop, I can only stop how I react to them and change that.
I saved myself thousands by coming to that conclusion.
That, and I am still working on my Z-whacker.
Hope it all pans out and HELPS you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Leslie said:
This is definitely supposed to help me change the way I react to my swings and triggers. If you’ve got that then I think you’ve got as much as you can get.
Although I wouldn’t mind a Z-Whacker!
LikeLike
Matthew Malin said:
I’m happy that you were able to come to terms with what’s going on. Sometimes that’s the biggest hurdle you face when it comes to coping and possibly recovery. Keep truckin’ forward. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
Thank you!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Matthew Malin said:
Most welcome 🙂
LikeLike
Cooking For The Time Challenged said:
You are awesome! Good for you for trying. I live DBT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
Thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cooking For The Time Challenged said:
DBT is very powerful but does require a commitment. I like how it addresses the mind, body and the spirit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
I don’t always get done what I was supposed to get done, because I get stuck somewhere upsetting. But working through that is going to be helpful.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Cooking For The Time Challenged said:
I think that it is a process. DBT, to me, teaches tools that can be useful for coping with difficult emotions and learning how to “ride the wave” rather than resist what is.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
That’s what I’m hoping to accomplish!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cooking For The Time Challenged said:
It can be done. I’ve seen it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
anthromichelle said:
I think I might check that out. I hope it gives you what you were looking for. Definitely sounds compelling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
I definitely think it’s worth a look and I’m not even that far into it yet.
LikeLike
Spanglish Jill said:
This is day 2 of kids being at camp all day and I have felt like a lump on a log all day, trying to distract myself via WP and blogging. I am really happy that you’ve got your hands on that book and that you’re working through it.
You have inspired me to check it out as well.
Keep us posted on how you’re getting along with the concepts/exercises etc xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Leslie said:
I will. Thank you Jill!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Spanglish Jill said:
(hugs)
LikeLike