Tags
anxiety, bipolar blog, blog, expectations, paint, painting, pipe dream, thanks
So I went to the “Wine and Paint” event earlier this week that I had been invited to. (And thank you for all of the encouragement I received here) I was meeting a woman there that I have just met and was looking for an opportunity to build a little more relationship. I mean, I’d really like to know some people locally. We’ve been in South Carolina for 4 1/2 years…it’s pretty much about time. My masterpiece is above. It has some good points and some bad ones. It does, however, look better from a distance!
Today hubby told me that the front door wasn’t even shut before MIL said that she really would have liked to have gone with me, but didn’t want to invite herself. I was immediately bummed out for having not invited her and simultaneously pissed off for not being able to have anything of my own. Hubby talked me down and said that he agrees with me, I should be able to go do something on my own without hauling his mother with me. But maybe I could take her with me the next time.
I can, and will, take her next time. She refuses to try to do anything social unless I’m with her. And since I need a 10 mg Valium to leave the house, I don’t do much social. In fact, this is the first thing I’ve done since a disastrous book club over a year ago.
I want her to do her own thing. I want her to go out and make her own friends that are her age. I want her to do things that make her happy. I don’t want her to sit in her bedroom and stare at pictures of her dead husband and get sadder and sadder.
But, I also know that it’s a pipe dream. I’ve been researching and handing out suggestions for 2 years now. She won’t take them. And I can’t make her take my suggestions anymore then she can heal my bipolar disorder.
Knuckle under and keep her with me 24/7 or start taking her to things she might enjoy and hope she makes her own friends? Or maybe take her to things I know she’ll enjoy, but that I know I won’t, so she can have company for the first visit and then I can be out of it.
Time will tell.
Normal is out there 
Whoaaaa…I don’t think you should be put in this position, ever. Your MIL, saint or whatever, is NOT a child. YOU are entitled to your own things without a tag along. You should not have to feel guilty.
That being said…
Because you are such a good person, you do feel bad and want to include MIL “next time”…That is awesome.
I think you can find a balance between having your own thing but also…taking her along so she can find something that gets her out of her sadness.
One more reason why I love you so much, Les. ❤
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Thanks Morgue. I really appreciate it. I’m going to try livingsocial.com and see if I can find something in the area with people her own age. Then, I can take her the first time (’cause otherwise she won’t even try) and hopefully she’ll have fun and start doing it by herself. That’s my goal. I think it’s the path of least resistance for me.
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Love that you went out and did something on your own. Kudos as I know it was not easy for you to do. I agree with Morgue about you being able to do your own things by yourself, and including her next time is awesome.
I hope you are able to find some things for her to do. Yet, I wonder, has she really grieved for the loss of that companionship and that’s why she doesn’t want to do anything without you…things to ponder!
I love your painting. Makes me want to head to the beach!
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Thanks Sassy! I don’t know that she’ll ever stop grieving. I can’t imagine losing a husband. But, I do know that when she still worked, she was happier. She did things with her friends. Now she just sits in her room. So, finding a way to get her out of the house and doing something will surely (hopefully!) let her feel better again.
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I don’t really have any advice, I just wanted to say that I think your painting is lovely:)
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Thanks Michelle! I’ll take positive feedback any day of the week!
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I think you need to have “you” time and that should be respected by everyone. Nothing wrong with doing things with the MIL but those should be things discussed ahead of time and not tagging along with things meant for you alone. Don’t feel guilty, she is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her socialization and communicating with you.
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Thanks Vic! It was nice to hear that hubby had stood up for me. I know he wishes I would take her, but he also gets that I just can’t yet.
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I know that it can be difficult to try to get someone to interact with other people, especially if that person either isn’t social by nature or has been hit by a tragic event like the death of a loved one. I don’t know how long your mother-in-law’s husband has been gone but if it’s been a while, I wonder if she might need some therapeutic intervention to help her past the grief. Other than that, it sounds like the best option might be to take her to something you might not enjoy, at least once and maybe she’ll find someone else there who she can befriend. Just my thoughts on things.
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Thanks so much for your input. Unfortunately, MIL will not even consider therapy even though she’s taking an anti-depressant. (I’m a believer in if you need anti-depressants, you should talk to someone at least a few times). She’s actually always been an extremely social person, which is partly why I’m so frustrated. The person she is now, is not the person that she’s always been. It’s been (I think) 5 years since Pop passed away, but she just continues to add to the shrine.
It’s also frustrating for me because her depressed mood tends to rub off on me, and quite frankly, I don’t need anymore. I’m all full up on my own.
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