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It’s inconceivable to me that my last post was 16 days ago.  I’ve written a couple posts since then, but they will sit in my draft folders for a long time, probably never to be finished.

My impetus for my last post made me so angry that I ended up sliding directly into a mixed episode.  And one of those episodes where your mood shifts more then once a day.  And I can’t write like that.  Everything just comes out all muddled and shoved together haphazardly and doesn’t make any sense.  Not to mention that they aren’t even finished.   I just have not been able to bring my thoughts around to completion.

But, I’ve missed writing.  It’s the one creative outlet that I have, and I know that the people reading what I write understand what I’m talking about.  Connection to the tribe is crucial.

Thankfully, it would seem that the mixed episode has finally passed.  I’m actually feeling pretty good except for a screaming headache.  But, I think the headache is more from watching the debate then anything else.

My stepson moved back in last night.  So far so good, but it’s only been 12 hours, so I guess I should hold off on saying it’s ok.

My mixed episode was a mess.  Sometimes I would wake up anxious and depressed, kick into high gear in the early afternoon and then suffer the consequences of hypomania and the depression drop a few hours later.  Sometimes I would wake up all hypomanic and ready to take the world by storm only to drop into depression and frustration a few hours later.

The only good thing I can say about it is the lithium still seems to be holding the symptoms to a bit of a dull roar.  The last time this happened, my swings were much worse and much more intense.  I’m taking a crap load of valium for the anxiety (I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well), but I’m praying that the lithium holds.  Nothing has worked for long, so I have some worries about my body getting used to the lithium and having it stop working.  God only knows what medication I would go on at that point.  It’s one of those thoughts that’s in the back of my head all the time, but I’m trying not to think about too much.  My psychiatrist thought we could move my appointments to once ever two months, which is cool, except that everytime she has done that something horrible has gone wrong.  So, I’m saying prayers and crossing my fingers and trying really hard to get things done while still resting enough.  I guess I’ll see what happens.

Anyway, I’m sorry to have been away so long.  I appreciate everything all of you bring to my life, and I hope that I’m useful to you.

I promise to be back soon and I can’t wait to catch up with you all!