This is a reblog of a post from almost 2 years ago. My therapist and I have talked about the need to mourn the person I used to be, and accept (even if I don’t like it) the person I am now. I’ve been having a lot of problems with that because several doctors have pointed out that I was very depressed even back to my teens. They think that because I attempted suicide at 14. So, who exactly am I mourning? I’m mourning the person I describe here, pre-diagnosis. The person with energy. The person who used the coping skill of work to run through the mania and stave off the really dangerous parts of Bipolar 1 mania.
I also think this is a nice post for the newly diagnosed. Trust me, none of us wanted this. Now, we just need to find our way through. ❤
My diagnosis of bipolar is relatively new. Well, very new. No one really started throwing that around as a potential diagnosis until after my last nervous breakdown in October 2014. Before that, I had been holding steady with my nice little generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder diagnosis.
I thought me and my GAD and panic disorders had a nice relationship. I knew they were there, I was used to them and occasionally I felt free from them. I had days where I had lots of energy and got so much accomplished.
But the meltdown of 2014 changed all that. Suddenly everyone was talking about bipolar disorder. Well isn’t that the same thing as manic depression? Does this mean I’m a maniac? Now, these bouts of energy were being looked at with suspicion. Ok, yeah, I would get really tired and down after periods of all this energy, but that…
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