The “In Case of Emergency” information on my phone is HUGE! I list my emergency contact and my blood type and my allergies, but I also list all of my medications. It’s a lengthy and daunting list and 95% of it is for bipolar disorder.
Lithium 300mg 3x/day – for Bipolar Disorder
Deplin 15 mg 1/day – Activated Folic Acid for depression
Gabapentin 600 3/day – Originally prescribed for Restless Leg Syndrome but pdoc upped the dose because “off-label” it’s good for stopping mania.
Trazadone 150mg at bedtime – For Sleep. Getting proper sleep with bipolar disorder is almost more important than anything else.
Klonopin 1 mg 3/day – Anti-Anxiety med
Trintellix 5mg 1/day – Antidepressant. We actually tried to up the dose on this awhile back and I started having bouts of hypomania.
Dicyclomine – Anti-diahreaheal. Nice little side effect of so much anxiety
I also take Amitriptyline for pain, a cholesterol medication, an allergy medication and a vitamin.
All this, and I still don’t feel great. I feel better than I did which is wonderful, and I’m grateful. But, I always thought that when I got the right cocktail of meds I would feel normal.
And I don’t.
My moods aren’t swinging around as much anymore, but I’m stuck in this “kind of down” place. It’s not full depression, but it’s probably a little depression.
On top of all this I go to therapy twice a week. I love my therapist, she’s very good at what she does.
I don’t want to succumb to this mood. I don’t want this to be the way I live my life. My husband is beside himself at the number of medications I take and I’m still not “normal”. ‘Why all these meds?’ he asks every so often (usually when my mood takes a dip).
The only answer that I have for him is that at the very least these meds have kept the mania away for years.
That’s the best explanation I can give him. But, he’s never seen the mania, he’s seen the depression and I just can’t seem to kick that, no matter how many meds I take.