So, it would figure that 2 days after I tell my pdoc I feel ok and I think the meds are working, I would take an emotional dive.

Yesterday was awful.  But, it made me think about the different ways that depression manifests.

For instance, yesterday hubby was the only person whose voice I could stand.  Listening to anyone else, in person or on the phone, was sheer torture that made me skin crawl.  I had a million things to do but the only thing I could actually handle was laying in bed or sitting in the sun.  I opted for sitting in the sun as it looks better to those around me than laying in bed.  Sadness, lack of energy and irritation were all present and accounted for.  I did get a shower in the morning, as I hoped it would make me feel better, but it didn’t, and it took a lot of energy away from me.

But, there are a lot more ways that depression can manifest.  Feelings of emptiness, total lack of energy, irritation, rage, despondency, crying and much much more.

I’m glad that I didn’t go any lower than I did.  I’m feeling a little better this morning and I have therapy today, which is usually pretty helpful.

The thing is though, I really thought the meds were going to keep this away from now on.  They’ve been working pretty well for awhile and that’s very scary to me.  Being treatment-resistant means that at some point, these meds are probably going to stop working.  I’m hoping against hope that I’m not getting a preview of this current batch of medications failing.

Whatever, the case, I have no option to just sit tight and wait to see what happens.  I guess that’s the boat that we’re all in.

Advertisements