I haven’t been able to write in a couple weeks. I’ve been paralyzed in my mind. Not that there haven’t been things to write about. There certainly has been. I just truly didn’t know where to start. I don’t really know where to start now, so I’m just gonna start and see what happens.

I decided to back off from my “best” friend. I love her, but I just can’t. Her son is getting married and I found out about the bridal shower on Facebook after it happened. Pissed doesn’t do it justice. But, honestly we haven’t talked in nearly a year. I never called her either. I had chastised her for not calling the last time we talked and I sat back to wait for her to call. That was last September. I just got the wedding invitation in the mail, but we aren’t going. It’s Labor Day weekend and we would have to travel. Them I found out my Mother-In-Law is going away so we would have to hire a pet sitter. On Labor Day. With not much notice. I just can’t. And honestly I can’t sit at the misfit table while my friend sits with her new friend, her new ride or die. It hurts too much.

Depression. Definitely a deeper depression then it’s been in a while but thankfully I’m not at a place where I’m feeling completely lost. I’m still having the swings into mania but it’s a much smaller mania now then it was even two weeks ago. The psychiatrist had increased my mood stabilizer at the last appointment and I see her again tomorrow. We’ll see what she says.

Sleep. I fall asleep around 7 every night, but I’m usually up by 12:30 or 1:00 am. I’m not loving the amount of sleep I’m getting, but, I’m REA:L:LY unsure about the schedule I’m on. On one hand, it’s totally messed up to be awake at this hour when I don’t have to be. On the other hand I have the house to myself until about 3 when my husband gets up and then he leaves for work at 5:30. My Mother-in-Law sleeps till 10. I spend most of the time online, and then during the day I do other stuff. It’s kind of nice but I think I’d rather sleep “normal” hours.

Ok, I think that’s it for a minute. My brain is switching thoughts too quickly now and I can’t pick one out.