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Well, I managed to not say anything about J to Hubby on Wednesday.  I cried and cried and cried at therapy on Wednesday.  I basically ended up not saying much to hubby after therapy and before he went to work, because I couldn’t think of anything but J.

I love my husband very very much and I know that he feels the same, but this situation is really bringing out the worst in both of us.

Yesterday, I was allowed to speak and again we seriously disagreed on what to do which led to more not speaking to each other too much.

Crying crying crying

I walked into my bathroom yesterday and saw my scissors and thought “hmmm could I really do that (slice)” decided that I couldn’t and left the bathroom.  But it stayed with me all day.  I’m circling around suicidal thoughts and I don’t want to.

I told hubby yesterday that I was feeling like a hospital stay was coming.  His response was to kind of yell at me that if I kept thinking that way then that’s exactly what would happen.  But Bipolar doesn’t really work that way….the mood goes where the mood goes.

I had a long talk with my friend T yesterday and when I told her that none of my coping strategies were working she suggested doing one thing for myself everyday.  Didn’t have to cost money, didn’t have to take long.  So, I tried.  It sure as hell couldn’t hurt.

It didn’t work on my mood, but it made my feet look interesting.
Therapy today…wish me luck.
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