Well, I managed to not say anything about J to Hubby on Wednesday. I cried and cried and cried at therapy on Wednesday. I basically ended up not saying much to hubby after therapy and before he went to work, because I couldn’t think of anything but J.
I love my husband very very much and I know that he feels the same, but this situation is really bringing out the worst in both of us.
Yesterday, I was allowed to speak and again we seriously disagreed on what to do which led to more not speaking to each other too much.
Crying crying crying
I walked into my bathroom yesterday and saw my scissors and thought “hmmm could I really do that (slice)” decided that I couldn’t and left the bathroom. But it stayed with me all day. I’m circling around suicidal thoughts and I don’t want to.
I told hubby yesterday that I was feeling like a hospital stay was coming. His response was to kind of yell at me that if I kept thinking that way then that’s exactly what would happen. But Bipolar doesn’t really work that way….the mood goes where the mood goes.
I had a long talk with my friend T yesterday and when I told her that none of my coping strategies were working she suggested doing one thing for myself everyday. Didn’t have to cost money, didn’t have to take long. So, I tried. It sure as hell couldn’t hurt.