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Well, I managed to not say anything about J to Hubby on Wednesday. I cried and cried and cried at therapy on Wednesday. I basically ended up not saying much to hubby after therapy and before he went to work, because I couldn’t think of anything but J.
I love my husband very very much and I know that he feels the same, but this situation is really bringing out the worst in both of us.
Yesterday, I was allowed to speak and again we seriously disagreed on what to do which led to more not speaking to each other too much.
Crying crying crying
I walked into my bathroom yesterday and saw my scissors and thought “hmmm could I really do that (slice)” decided that I couldn’t and left the bathroom. But it stayed with me all day. I’m circling around suicidal thoughts and I don’t want to.
I told hubby yesterday that I was feeling like a hospital stay was coming. His response was to kind of yell at me that if I kept thinking that way then that’s exactly what would happen. But Bipolar doesn’t really work that way….the mood goes where the mood goes.
I had a long talk with my friend T yesterday and when I told her that none of my coping strategies were working she suggested doing one thing for myself everyday. Didn’t have to cost money, didn’t have to take long. So, I tried. It sure as hell couldn’t hurt.
idioglossiablog said:
I’m sorry your in such pain. Sending you warm wishe, and healing thoughts. G-uno
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Leslie said:
Thank you so much
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Just Plain Ol' Vic said:
Has your hubby done any reading on bipolar disorder? If not, I could recommend a few books that were very helpful and blunt. They gave me a reality check on what to expect and what was going to be required of me.
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Leslie said:
That would be great Vic! Most of his problem is that he’s sad and worried and that comes out of him as anger.
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Just Plain Ol' Vic said:
Two books that I read, helped me with understanding: The Bipolar Relationship & Living with Someone Who’s Living with Bipolar Disorder.
Keep in mind these are not “feel good” books – not even close – but it will give him some needed perspective and understanding.
Hope this helps!
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Leslie said:
Thanks so much!
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Pieces of Bipolar said:
Your friends idea is wonderful. And I’m sure therapy will keep you afloat. I know you have the heart of a warrior. You may not feel it right at this present moment. But its there and will keep you supported ❤
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Leslie said:
Thanks Pieces…I appreciate it
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